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Tips For Sharing Child Custody After A Divorce

Raising children with an ex-spouse often needs some extreme patience. Most individuals co-parenting with exes know that shared custody and the transition from one home to another can be difficult for kids, and both parties have to get along. You don’t have to be friends after a divorce, but you’ll need to become a collaborative team to raise your kids for their psychological and emotional development. However, this is easier said than done. You can consult with a family law attorney at Mesa to help you create a co-parenting plan or share legal advice on your case situation. This article will also provide you with insight into how co-parenting can be made more accessible.

The Basics Of Co-Parenting

Co-parenting is a child-centered decision that involves parents who are not coupled to work together to help their children thrive. To co-parent effectively, parents need to keep their messy breakup aside and embrace a working co-parenting style that involves being nice to each other despite the hatred they bear for each other and even being in places they may not want to be. Basically, in a co-parenting relationship, you will need to love your kids more than you hate your spouse and realize that they need both their parent’s attention to thrive.

How To Be A Good Co-Parent

The first step towards a co-parenting relationship is to heal yourself. If you have not moved on from the past, you will likely reflect the divorce’s hurt to your children. Even the most minor decisions about your kid’s lives may be hard to tackle when you’re still carrying grudges from the divorce. It is advisable to self-reflect and discovers your role as a parent in the ended relationship. It is easier to co-parent with intention when you’ve had closure and are happier.

What Happens When Your Child Won’t Go To Your Ex-Spouses House?

Co-parenting can be difficult, especially when a child takes sides. In some cases, children might refuse to visit the other parent despite the custody orders. This could be related to several reasons like:

  • A parents failure to be actively involved with the child’s life during their time together
  • Anxiety about separation from the parent who majorly takes care of them
  • Open conflicts usually caused a child to be temporarily aligned with one side.
  • In cases of child abuse

No matter the reason, if your kid doesn’t want to move to be with their other parent, you need to remember your job as a divorced parent, which involves supporting your child’s relationship with your ex. No matter the strenuous relation you have with your former partner, your children have the right to love both parents. Your kid’s failure to bond with one parent may influence their capacity to grow healthy relationships with others. Therefore you shouldn’t encourage their refusal to spend time with your former spouse. You can, however, solve the problem in the following ways:

1. Evaluate your child’s resistance

For better understanding, you’ll need to explore the reasons behind their resistance to go to their other parent’s place. Ask your child to list their reasons and analyze the reasons. For instance, if your kid mentions that the other parent is too strict, try to find out what they mean by “too strict” and encourage them to abide by your ex’s house rules. You may also opt to impose some of the rules for consistency purposes. If the reasons given by your child are serious and concerning, you may opt to hold a discussion with your ex in a non-blaming manner to keep the peace.

2. Talk To Your Ex

Before you can make conclusions, you can consult your ex to listen to their perspective to discover what your kids may have conveniently omitted. Kids often manipulate parents to have their way, and it is crucial to uncover the whole story and not only your kid’s colorful version.

3. Look Into Your Behavior

Sometimes, as a parent, you may subconsciously bleed your negative feelings towards your ex over into your children. Kids study behaviors and moods and sometimes feel the need to act towards their happiness. Therefore, it is advisable not to showcase anxiety or hostile behavior towards your ex in front of your kids. Instead, own your problems and encourage your kids to spend time with their other parent.

4. Don’t Force Them To Go

Knowing the importance of kids spending time with both of their parents, you need to find innovative ways to help them accept co-parenting. Forcing them to comply with the legal arrangements will only increase anxiety and cause more resistance. You can help them understand how the set visitation schedule is good for them, rather than telling them that they have no choice but to follow the custody order.

5. Empower Your Child

Your kids need to learn how to solve their problems with your ex without running to you. You can encourage them and teach them ways to speak directly to their other parents about their concerns instead of refusing to spend time with them. 

Of course, not all circumstances require you to encourage your kids to visit or move to their other parents’ home. If your child’s possibilities aren’t safe at your ex-spouse’s, you can contact the authorities or call your lawyer to prevent legal consequences that come with obstructing visitation. If you need guidance with the matter, Jensen Family Law might be of help. Contact them or gain more insight at

Jensen Family Law

3740 E Southern Ave Suite 210

Mesa AZ 85206

(480) 999-2321

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Jensen Family Law in Mesa is located on 3740 E Southern Ave Suite 210, 85206 Mesa, Arizona. From Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport (PHX), Take S 41st St to E Sky Harbor Blvd, then head west on E Sky Harbor Blvd and Use the left lane to take the exit toward S 41st St. Then Turn right onto S 41st St. After that, Continue straight to stay on S 41st St, then Take AZ-202 Loop E, AZ-101 Loop S and US-60 E to S Val Vista Dr in Mesa. Take exit 184 from US-60 E after that Merge onto E Sky Harbor Blvd, then Use the left 2 lanes to merge onto AZ-202 Loop E toward Tempe/Mesa and Use the right 3 lanes to take exit 9 to merge onto AZ-101 Loop S. After that, Use the right 2 lanes to take exit 55A-B to merge onto US-60 E toward Globe, then Take exit 184 for Val Vista Dr. Then Continue on S Val Vista Dr to your destination and Turn left onto S Val Vista Dr. Turn right onto E Southern Ave, then Turn left and Destination will be on the right.

We’re open 9AM – 5PM Monday – Friday and we are closed on Saturday and Sunday.

For additional questions you can call us at (480) 999-2321 ro you can find us on Yelp.